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GUYFRIDAY: "Out Without a Bang"
photo courtesy of Joey Adami
Joey Adami
"Do you want me to get you another pair?”
“Grady, I can’t hear you. Open the door.”
Luke stood looking in the four-way mirror, as his body filled the reflection. The jeans were snug in the seat, and his ass rode the seam of the denim, curving wickedly, then disappeared into the lower part of his muscular back.
“Toss those over my door when you’re done,” said Will.
“I haven't given much thought to it.”
“What!” Luke exclaimed.
“New Year’s Eve is golden. I got us invites. How can you not like it?”
“I don't know,” I said, looking over the pile of possible purchases in my hands.
“Something about being single on New Year’s just doesn't seem fair. I always fancied myself in a ridiculous hat, with soaring plumage, accompanying a young Rock Hudson. Nathan is a great guy, but we just met each other."
Will smiled and Luke stuck out his tongue as if he just inhaled a fly.
Grady finally opened the door.
“Damn, kid!”
 The top of his jeans bulged out around his midsection, pushing the excess fat to hang over slightly, reminding me of a stuffed sausage.
“Maybe go up one size,” Will offered casually.
“Please look at me. I'm always a thirty-two but Euro designers run so damned small, Grady.”
“What he needs is the gym, Joey,” Luke announced, still strutting around naked from the waist up. Luke always finds the light. Standing under the fluorescents, he looked like a god who tossed in his caftan for liquid denim. “I know this kick-ass trainer at New York Sports Club-fuckin’-hardcore-boot-camp.  Let me make you an appointment,” he added, flipping out his Blackberry.
"Oh, so it's my fault" Grady shot off.
"Well, it's not like the food just magically jumped from the fork into your mouth." 
"This one," Luke pointed out, "is seeing someone and he didn't bulk up."
"I think that was directed to you, Joey," Will responded, quickly turning on his heels.
"I'm fine. Marc and I go out to eat. We go to the movies, we eat. We go shopping, we eat."
The heat from this conversation seared any chance for recover. It was going to get ugly.
“It's okay. Like is college, the freshman fifteen." I spoke, but it went unnoticed, because Grady tossed his cookies a second later.
"I messed up a good thing. Fine: I let the sex go out of our relationship, because I hate how I look, is that what you want to hear? I'm terrified Marc is going to leave.” Grady marched back into the dressing room, swiftly threw off the jeans, and stormed out.
"Go after him!"
"Really, Luke, apologize and tell him to come to lunch," I added, agreeing with Will. It was worse than we thought between Marc and Grady and apparently there was a dry sex-spell on the home front.
Luke shrugged his shoulders and walked ahead.
"Lemon wedges and a mixed salad for Grady?"
Both Will and I stood in the empty dressing room, him still in the Vivian Westwood tee-shirt, and me covering my with a eyes with a handful of Narciso Rodriguez 2011.
"And two bowls of salty dick soup to swallow," I whispered.

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